Written from a young Muslim woman who got married to a Christian man and now wants a divorce from an unhappy marriage

Dear diary,
I don't know what to do. I've been thinking it through for months and I am no closer to a conclusion, and yet my life seems to get worse by the day. I am suffering, the children are suffering. They sense that our relationship is breaking down. But how can I leave??

My parents have given up too much for my happiness. Just 6 weeks before the date for my arranged marriage did I tell them I couldn't go through with it. 'Of course you can', they'd said, 'Just nerves, that's all.' And then I told them it wasn't nerves, it was the love that I felt for another man. A Christian man.

Me and Mark were happy to begin with. Of course I didn't tell my parents about our relationship; as far as they were concerned, I was soon to be happily married to Raj, the second son of a family my parents knew well before we were both born. It was decided when we were children that we were to be married just after my 18th birthday.

When I told then the whole story, they were angry and confused. They tried to convince me but then they saw how unhappy I truly was, there was nothing they could do but call off the wedding and apologise profusely to Raj and his family. However, this was all on one condition; that I would marry Mark so they wouldn't have to live with the shame of an unmarried daughter. My parents had sacrificed so much. Raj's family refused to speak to us, and they had to accept the judgmental and patronising comments from the community about my choices.

Naturally, I accepted. I'd finally got what I truly wanted, and it was the least I could do given what I had out my parents through. I married Mark withing the month, and we were happily married for 6 years. We have two young children, Priya and Timor.

So do I keep my feelings to myself?? Having a divorce is unacceptable in my parents eyes, and it isn't fair on our children. It would be selfish to end the marriage. I have no choice.

MO

Dear diary, 

I don't know what to do.  I have tried to make my parents understand that I do not love him nor want to marry him but they will not listen.

I am going to have an arranged marriage that my parents have planned for me; I hardly know him and yet I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with him.  My friends can marry whoever they want without the fear of being judged and shamed. Why can't I have the same? I want the chance to live my life the way I want it; I want to travel, study and have fun while I can.  I will not have this chance if I marry.

How am I expected to marry and spend the rest of my life with a man that I do not love? It feels like I am talking to a brick wall.  My parents listen but do not hear what I have to say.  They respond by saying that it is the right thing to do for my family.  I understand that but isn't it also important to do what's right for myself? I have thought of every possible way out of this but nothing will work.

I don't know what to do, it doesn't feel like I have a choice.  I must get married for my parents, whether I am happy or not.

KC