When God became my Nothing

As Roman Catholics we believe that God is omnipotent in that he is all Powerful, omniscient in that he is all knowing and is omnibenevalent in that he is all seeing. So tell me, if he is supposed to be omnipotent, he would be able to stop this tragedy and destruction of peoples lives. If he is supposed to be omnibenevalent he could see the chaos and suffering but he just stood and watched? And if he is omniscient he knew what was happening and still done nothing about it.

It happened on boxing day 2004, the day I lost the rest of my family forever - and I couldn't do anything to try and save them as I searched and searched not giving up when my legs were practically ripped to shreds. But God could. The whole of my life I have been a Catholic. Yes, I have done things that I have regretted but surely not that much to have this happen to me. I have gone to church every week, I have prayed to God on a regular basis, I have thanked Him for all the good that has happened to me so why would he just stand by and watch me and millions of others suffer like this?

I sat there isolate on the hard hospital bed with bruises on my arms, legs, torso and head. There are several nurses rushing around my body frantically trying to fix broken parts. But they couldn't fix my broken heart. My parents were good people. They were everything to me and God was everything to them. How could he do this to them? They did nothing wrong, they did not deserve this. They believed they were children of this God so God left his children to die? They loved him with all their heart but obviously he did not love them at all.

Yet still, whilst I searched for my beloved family, I fell on my knees tightly shut my eyes and prayed over and over again to what I have thought my whole life was the one and only God, the one who could help me. So where was this God? Was he listening to me pour my heart out begging him for my family to be alive and just stood there? Or does he even exist? I felt like I have lived my whole life believing in someone who does not even exist. He was supposed to be my saver and redeemer when in the end He was nothing.

ST